I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
