I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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