Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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