wat bout pragnant strippers??
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
