I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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