i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Found your dick twin last night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
