The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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