why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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