Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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