so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
