I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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