You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
