Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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