is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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