I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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