do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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