I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
