chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
