dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
