allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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