trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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