I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
