I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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