If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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