In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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