I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
