Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
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and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on