I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE