My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
