I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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