every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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