if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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