break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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