the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
