dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
