There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
