I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
