your room smells of hookers.
And success
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
