Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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