im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize