You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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