i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
