i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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