I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
