i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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