i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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