as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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