I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
