she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
