I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
