I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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