cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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