first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
