apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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