The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
