that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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