After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
