Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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