We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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