she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i need some magic done to my vagina
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