This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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