Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
