im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Two words: nipple clamps
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