She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize