Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
