it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
