i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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