So drunk its hurt
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Boobs speak an international language.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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