That's intense
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
