Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
