It's Friday. Sex?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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