she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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