lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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