I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
