Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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